


The funeral

by RozyHtaylor



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7177127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RozyHtaylor/pseuds/RozyHtaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Delia is called back to Wales for her cousins funeral, not sure she could face wales along she relies on her trusted girlfriend to come with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Fanfic on her but i do have others on other platforms.  
> please feel free to tell me what you think any feedback will be helpful.  
> This is a multi chapter

“Delia this came for you,” Nurse Crain said, as the older nurse walked into the lounge flicking through the rest of the letters. Delia wasn’t expecting a letter off her Mum, but she recognised the women’s handwriting anywhere. Her messy swirly writing that covered the tatty envelope. Delia had been avoiding writing to her mum. She didn’t have much to say. Well, at least not much that Delia wanted to share. Since she asked her mum for her birth certificate, she felt on edge just writing to her. She didn’t know what her mum knew, and she had a terrible ability to put her foot in it.   
Delia, who was sat next to Patsy, didn’t take her eyes off the letter, her heart started pumping faster and louder. She had a sick sense something was wrong. She opened the letter slowly; it felt like it took a lifetime but no one other than Patsy had noticed the change in her body language. Patsy wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say. Delia’s eyes scanned over and over the letter like she was reading Latin.  
“It’s Ed” She breathed out slowly. While the others didn’t know who Ed was Patsy had heard many stories of the trees Delia and her cousin used to climb on, the adventures they got up to as preteens.   
“He died Pats,” Delia said. Tears were streaming down her face.she didn't made to effort to stop them. Patsy grabbed the letter out of the welsh nurse’s hands and read the letter slowly as Delia continued to talk “Unknown causes, he was in the hospital, and I didn’t even know...” She paused, she knew that she and Patsy weren’t alone but she only wanted to talk to her. “If I hadn’t pushed my mum away, if I had replied to her letters…”  
“Deels, this isn’t your fault”. Patsy, while holding the letter in one hand placed her other on Delia’s and gave her a quick smile.   
“On a plus side your parents have had a phone installed,” Patsy said skimming the rest of the letter. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Mrs Busby now being able to contact Delia at all times. Delia smiled a broken smile. She loved how even when she was in her darkest hour Patsy still managed to make her smile.

Funeral etiquette demanded that Delia visited her family. She knew she wasn’t going to go alone. Delia knew that she would have to go and offer her best memories of Eddie and attend the funeral. Patsy knew this meant having to provide sympathy on demand. Delia spent the evening in and out of tears. While Delia didn’t know what to say to her Mother, she slowly picked up the phone and dialled the number provided in the letter. For the first time, Delia just informed her mother that both Patsy and herself would be coming down on Tuesday night and leaving Friday to attend the funeral and make sure that Eddies wife and baby were okay. Her mum didn’t ask too many questions and neither did Sister Julienne who with very little said gave both the girls four days off. Not one questions got enquired about the event, not because people's minds didn't fill with them but because no one wanted to pry Delia. Delia didn’t go to work on Monday spending most the day curled up in a ball – feeling helpless. Much like Patsy had done when Delia first left for Wales all those months ago. Edward was the best fake brother she ever really had; Delia did have a brother, but he was six years older than her and the pair barely spoke when they lived in the same house. He never really left but he moved out and now had three children. Eddie was like a brother Delia saw in the movies; they shared secrets and adventures. He was protective and caring; now he was gone.

It was dawn as the train trundled from the train station. It wasn’t as easy as just getting on a train. Nurse Crain had given the girls a lift to the larger station closer to the centre of London. Their eyes were bleary, reactions slow, tiredness was running through their veins same as their blood. It seemed to take forever for the old shaking train to roar into life. When it did, a funny feeling came to the pit of Delia stomach, not excitement though she thought at first it was. It was relief, fear, grief. Patsy squeezed Delia’s hand just for a second; the carriage was nearly empty and the silence made Patsy mind wander. Wonder why she as going to Wales? What people would think about Delia bringing a ‘friend’? Because Patsy had to keep reminding herself that that’s all she was to Delia – at least according to the outside world.  
As the world slide by the windows, there were small movements from amongst the passengers, not that Delia noticed. She had fallen asleep using Patsy's shoulder as a pillow. She had barely slept a wink since she had received the news but with the nearly silent humming of the train she had managed to drop off. Patsy wanted to light up a cigarette but didn’t want Delia's parents to be bombarded with her daughter drenched in the smell of cigarettes. Patsy had never seen Wales before. Before she met Delia she didn’t think she would ever have the need too. Looking out the window she saw the first signs of the countryside. The street wandered over the hills like a carelessly discarded belt, grey and cracked with age. Patsy hadn’t seen anything quite like it, not in recent years anyway. The few streets flowed like a river, winding through the fields rather than cutting a Romanesque line through them.

As the girls unbounded the train Delia wasn’t surprised to find her mum hadn’t made an appearance, she didn’t know why she just didn’t think she would. The place seemed so foreign, felt two worlds away from the place the Welsh girl had raised her head that morning. She couldn’t help but smile at the bird song and the gentleness of the sun, even in the heat of summer. The aroma took her back to her misspent youth. She’d been gone for too long, and now it all felt like a half-forgotten dream. The good parts of being back in her hometown weren't as good as the memory, and the bad parts were just more frustrating.   
Ivy grew throughout the crevices of the streets reminding the town how old it was.  
“This place is beautiful Deels,” Patsy said. Patsy couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the place that Delia had been so keen to get away from; Patsy couldn’t help by feeling saddened for the reasons behind their trip. The place where Delia spend many a summer now meant almost nothing to her. The area was so green but it just reminded her of her accident, it reminded her of being trapped and lost. The grass was green, and the trees were green. She couldn’t wait to leave then and she couldn’t wait until she could board the train back to London once more. Of course, Delia missed her family while she was in London but she had an entirely different family in London, she had Patsy and Trixie. Even Sister Monica Joan felt more like family than some of the people she shared blood with.

The walk back to the place Delia called home, involved Delia pointing out places around the small town, explaining all the things that she'd done there. Patsy was smiling at all the stories that flowed from Delia's mouth. Seeing Delia in Wales showed Patsy a whole new sound of the person she loved, it was a side she never thought she would be allowed to see. They passed the pub. Delia couldn't help but smile as the smell of alcohol oozed out the half opened door. Her mind filled with dazed memories of the bar; she wasn’t sure if she couldn’t remember them because of the accident or because of the amount of alcohol she consumed when the memories were made. This meant they were nearly at her house. Patsy had their suitcase; Patsy wasn’t going to let Delia anywhere near the handle and Delia had given up trying. Delia saw a narrow dirt path leading to a tiny red-brick cottage. That was the place she grew up in. The cottage looked so small; it looked for like a dolls house rather than a human dwelling. She smiled at the sight of her dad who was stood half way up the dirt path. Delia could see his smile across his face. He was happy to have his daughter home even if it was for a funeral.

“Nice to meet you, Mr Busby,” Patsy said as they got to Delia’s father, he wasn’t the tallest man but him and Delia looked very alike, you would be able to work out they were related that’s for sure. Delia had spoken about her father before but he had never come up – not like her mother. Delia knew her father was a proud man. He was strict, disciplined and of high principal but he was so proud of what Delia had achieved. He was always telling the people at the pub stories of Delia and the lives she had saved. He had just been washed with a bad experience and born more short-tempered than most. But he was still covered in love.   
“And you Miss Mount, ” He said back “Do you need a hand with your case?” He asked Patsy; he looked around for Delia’s, the girls could tell he was slightly taken back in the fact the two ladies had shared but tried his best not to show it.  
“No, I'm okay thank you – it's not that heavy” Patsy said smiling, she was trying her best to come off polite and not harsh or blunt. Delia would love loved for her dad to call her Patsy but wasn’t going to push it, not now. She was just glad that he hadn’t made an open fuss about only having one suitcase. They only had one suitcase due to the lack of smaller cases available in the convent; they had to beg Trixie to borrow her smaller one and even that one still had to their things and additional space for at least another 24 hours – people at Nonnatus House didn’t know how to pack light!

“What’s Ma done for supper?” Delia asked after the pair had finished making small talk.  
“Honesty, you have been home less than 5 minutes and you are already asking about food” He was smiling as he spoke. There was a friendliness in his voice that Patsy hadn’t heard in Mrs Busby’s, Patsy knew that Mrs Busby wasn’t her biggest fan and took a long deep breath before following Mr Busby and Delia into their front door. The door lead into the kitchen, it felt strange because it was how Patsy imagined it. It wasn’t huge, but it was a sweet little cottage. It felt homely and warm. Delia had never actually spoken about home, not in the definitive way, only to rant about her mother's letters or the occasional story of her childhood but they were rare and typically only shared when they were alcohol involved since they stopped keeping that in Patsy's room the stories were getting less and less. Patsy couldn't help but feel like she didn’t belong, she didn’t know where to stand or even where to begin a conversation. She tried to keep a firm smile on her face while looking for a place to plant the suitcase that was now starting to feel heavy on her arms, not that she was going to complain or draw any more attention to the fact they only had one suitcase. Delia smiled a comforting smile out of the corner of her mouth to her very obviously nervous girlfriend. Patsy didn’t know if anyone in the town even knew who she was, if they even knew her name or if Mrs Busby had given any reason to why Delia had travelled up from London with a ‘friend’. She doubted anyone knew that Delia was coming was making a visit, the less notice Mrs Busby gave people, the less time for questions to be asked. Patsy didn’t want to ask Delia the details of her and her mother's conversation but the truth was Delia didn’t ask her mum what she was going to tell people, Delia didn’t want to know what lie her mum was going to tell. Delia knew her mum didn’t like Patsy; she didn’t find out if her parents 'suspected' but if they did Delia knew she would never know if her mother did suspect she wouldn’t breathe a word of it so a soul; never-mind confront the girls about it.  
“Ma, where can I put the case?” Delia said, she knew the question needed to be asked, and sooner rather than later was key for the sake of Patsy's poor arm, not that she would have complained out loud.  
“You can take it up to your room Cariad”, Mrs Busby said, scanning to make sure her eyes didn’t deceive her.  
“Only the one case?” She questioned  
“Yes ma,” Delia said  
“We didn’t have 2 cases small enough, so one larger one was what we had to work with,” Patsy said, Mrs Busby forgot how irritating she found the poor ginger nurse, she couldn't help it. She didn’t know what was going on between Nurse Mount and her daughter but she couldn’t help but get a sick feeling in her stomach when she thought about it for too long.  
“Nuns were never ones for suitcases,” Mr Busby said as if he could sense there was tension in the air but didn’t know why. He had Patsy's sarcastic sense of humour, so the joke couldn’t help but make Patsy chuckle a little.  
“I will lead the way,” Delia said walking rather hastily out of the kitchen before any more nun jokes were made.

While up in the room Patsy sat on the bed smiling at her welsh girlfriends simple but very Deliafide room, everyone about the small box room shouted Delia, right up to the wilted flowers in the window. Her mum apparently avoided coming into the room and preferred to leave it as the pure, innocent little girls room at she still saw it in her mind.

Patsy couldn’t help but laugh as Delia sung into her hair brush for the evening entertainment. It was a beautiful sign, outside Delia’s window the sun was setting and the sky was the perfect pink colour. Patsy clapped as Delia got to the end of her hair brush set, at kissed Patsy softly on the lips. Patsy felt naughty kissing the floor above Delia’s parents. It felt almost wrong.  
“How can I kiss you so freely in a convent doing it in the safety of my bedroom makes you shiver,” Delia said laughing. Patsy couldn’t help but want time to stand still – so she could live the happiness she was currently in. Okay, so it was no Paris but she was by Delias side, alone in a bedroom with no questions asked and that counted for a lot in their world. Just for a moment both the girls just smiled and laughed forgetting the sad circumstances that brought them to Wales in the first place.They just held on to the joy and happiness they brought each other and that got them through the pain and hiding. If they didn’t remember the right moments and the secrets kisses they would have no worth hiding for and that was a scary thought.

While locking lips again with the red head Delia felt a sense of freedom she couldn't explain it but she could feel it, she could feel her fears slowly slipping away, as If kissing Patsy opened the doors to a fearless version of herself. At that very moment, she felt like she could run downstairs and proclaim her love for the Nurse, telling her parents the truth. Telling them how happy she was.

Delia didn’t run down to tell her parents. She knew she never would. 


	2. A long slow service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter in this, i know its long but please bare with. Hope you enjoy

The funeral service was slower than a county bus taking many detours. Everyone had a memory to share, a favourite hymn to sing. The funeral was all black clothes and white waxy faces, every one of them with red swollen eyes. The coffin gleamed in the early morning light that streamed through the small welsh church windows. The coffin was expertly crafted not to bring the comfort to Edward but to soothe the living that surrounded it. It was built with love to be the final resting place of one who had been adored by so many. Delia walked up slowly to pay her respects, and her eyes hadn’t stopped streaming with tears since she arrived at the church that held so many memories for her. She returned to Patsy's side where she felt safe and warm; Delia sat between her mum and Patsy it was the safest place to sit. While Patsy couldn’t get over how awkward she felt and how she would rather be doing anything that sitting where she was. She knew she would do this for 100 hours just to see one slight smile appear on her loved one's face. Patsy placed her hand on Delia’s, with a sweet, subtle smile they shared. She kept her hand there. Looping it in Delia’s. If Mrs Busby had seen it then she didn’t make a comment, Delia didn’t care at that moment, she was in pain and Patsy took away that pain no matter what her mum said. Delia rested her head on Patsy’s shoulders; they made her feel safe and warm.  
Her older brother and his family sat the row in front; the siblings hadn’t spoken since they arrived and Delia highly doubted they would make anything more than small talk later. The family was what Peter lived for and what Delia couldn’t get away from. Growing up he was the family boy while Delia was off causing chaos in a tree with Eddie somewhere they shouldn’t have been. Patsy couldn’t help but focus on the young women and toddler at the front; it reminded her of the factory worker who died recently. He had cancer – not that anyone thought to find out until it was too late. She hadn’t spoke to the widow sat in the front of the church, other than to say how sorry she was for the loss. Which she was. Patsy hated funerals her time at the camp must have made the feeling of death lie a little differently to how it does in other people’s hearts.

Eddie's memory made Delia sad. She couldn’t feel anything else. Ed was a year older than Delia but they were in the same class since they were 4, they had a bond that most siblings couldn’t dream off, he was the most overprotective person Delia had ever laid eyes on. She couldn’t stop thinking about all the things they spoke about doing when they were younger. They laughed for hours about their plans to leave the small town – he never did. One day she will grieve him but first, she would have to accept that he had gone. There was a part of her that couldn’t process her life in Wales without him being around. Part of her that still thought he would come bounding around the door of the pub when she went back to Wales laughing at her for not getting his elaborate joke. Mourning a loved one can be an odd thing to do because you never quite get over the time you had a chance to make new memories, it never quite sinks in that you will never be able to make new memories again – you will never be able to create new stories or have new adventures. Delia knew that she would have to make sure that all her and his old stories got told and not forgotten. Delia wasn’t religious but sat in the church she wished she was; she hoped she found the same comfort in God as Barbara did, she thought it would help being able to talk to a greater being but she couldn’t bring herself too. She couldn’t bring herself to speak to an ‘imaginary’ man in the hope for comfort and support when all the people that surrounded her all missed Eddie and she had patsy she didn’t need anyone else to talk to. Patsy's answers may not be as spiritual as the ones she could find from the Bible but Delia knew that Party's answers were the truth, and they were said with love and that’s all that she needed.

  
She also didn’t understand how this all powerful man that the nuns talk so fondly about, could kill one of her best friends, the only person in the family that knew the real her. Eddie hadn’t hurt a fly, and he had no sins to pay for. He was funny. He had always been the class clown. Eddie never got a chance to visit Delia in London. Ed always said he was going to come down but he never got the chance. He never got the opportunity to see Delia happy, to see her around the person she loved. He never got the chance to see the real nurse Delia Busby. The last time Delia had seen him she could barely remember his name never mind share a story or 2, but he didn’t care, he sat by her side for three days when Delia first came back to Wales. Sat by her side while she remembered. While she remembered things, she couldn’t share with her mum. She shared them with her cousin.

* * *

 

Last nights drunk fairy tales were turning into sometimes last year, she thought to herself. That was what Ed used to write in his letters. When he got a chance to write; he spent the whole of the letters complaining about how he and Delia needed to catch up. There was going to be no more drunken fairy tales again, no good old fashioned welsh card games because every known and then fate is going to get things wrong.  
The pub afterwards, was just as gloomy but was now a drunken gloom that filled the air, rather than just the air of lost broken hearted souls.  
“It’s a shame he never got to meet you,” Delia said to Patsy as they sat tucked away in the corner booth. Her mum and dad had gone home to look after Edward’s son so his widow could catch up with everyone and not be stuck to a toddler that didn’t understand.  
“Yeah, he sounds brilliant Delia,” Patsy said putting her hand quickly on Delia’s but taking it away faster than she had put in on.  
“Delia…” A dark welsh voice broke the girls conversation  
“Peter,” Delia said, Patsy could already feel the aggravation in Delia’s voice  
“Glad you could make it down” The man stood at the edge of the table Patsy and Delia shared, they didn’t have pubs like this in London and Patsy was finding the whole situation slightly overwhelming. The man looked too tall for his build, were he a few inches shorter and Patsy would have called him Trixie's type. His expression was serious but not unkind, in his emotions. He looked just a hurt and lost as Delia had done just a couple of hours ago. He had a salt 'n' pepper look to his hair but the pair were clearly related. It took Patsy a few moments to realise that this man stood in front of them was Delia’s brother  
“Yes, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Delia said taking a large swig of her drink before fully facing her brother  
“Peter this is Patsy. Patsy this is my brother” Delia said, she paused for a moment while her girlfriend and her brother smiled at each other “Patsy came down with me from London” Delia picked her words very carefully, she did it almost without thinking. She never called Patsy her friend; she said it felt wrong because Patsy wasn’t a friend to her.  
“Nice to meet you,” Peter said as him and Patsy shook hands  
“Aunty Dee” A voice came running in from behind Peter, the boy-girl came running around her dad and jumped onto Delia’s lap. The child couldn’t have been more than 4, she was wearing a little pink dress and looked very pleased to see Delia again  
“Shouldn’t you be with your Ma?” Peter questioned smiling. It was a friendly smile that was wiped across Delia’s but a strict one, the same type Patsy makes when she's trying to avoid yelling at a patient. Delia couldn’t help but smile at seeing her niece again even if it was due to a sad occasion; her brother barely brought the children to see her when she had her accident even when she had her memory back, she never understood his reasoning but then again she never understood him.  
“I couldn’t go Pa, I wanted to see Aunty Dee,” The little girl said. Patsy hadn’t heard so many people speaking in the same accent before, every time someone knew opened their mouth she had to remind herself where she was. The little girl’s hair was thick brown and sparkled in the yellowed lights of the pub. The place was worlds away from the convent where Patsy and Delia had been less that 48 hours previous. Her hair was pulled back in a long plate-like Patsy had seen some of the girl brigades wear it before, the plate reached her lower back.  
“How’s my favourite little girl?” Delia asked, ignoring the fact the girl was meant to be with her mother and not in a pub.  
“Good” The girl spoke fast almost without taking a breath between sentences “ I start school soon,” she said excitedly. The girls smile stretched from ear to ear. Her smiled shined like the stars in the clear sky of the welsh countryside, with no city lights or factory fog to dim them. Patsy couldn’t help but smile at the way the child sat some happily on Delia's lap, the way Delia's maternal side instantly kicked in. It hurts Patsy right in the pit of her stomach. It hurt her because she could give Delia a lot of things, but she could never give that feeling of holding a child. She knew that if Delia stuck by her side like she was so persistent on doing, they would never be able to have or raise any sort of family. She knew Delia wanted children but they avoided any conversation about it because talking about it meant sharing the truth, sharing the fears they were both thinking. The girls always avoided discussions about the future especially since Delia's accident because they didn’t want to have to talk about something they knew they couldn’t have. They didn’t want to have to talk seriously about the future because the future for the pair was scarier than most people's future and was filled with me unknown factors then certain ones.

Delia held the child and tickled her, the girl threw her head back and giggled like only a young child can. It was that infectious kind of laugh that couldn’t help but light up the adults – like an echo of the children they once were.  
“So Patsy are you a nurse too?” Peter asked. He was clearly trying to make small talk to keep this socially awkward interaction as light heart as it could be, also to avoid making conversation with his younger sister.  
“Pat—see…” The girl said looking puzzled at the word for a moment, interrupting Patsy before she even had a chance to open her mouth.  
“That’s a lovely name. Mines Amelia” The girl stuck out her hand and Patsy shook it lightly; the pair smiled at each other as Delia tried to hold back a laugh.  
“Are you a friend of Aunty Delia’s?” Amelia asked  
“Your aunt and I are very close,” Patsy said trying her best to take the harshness out of her voice. Patsy couldn’t help but notice the way Delia's eyes shone with a smile as Patsy avoided using the word friends, she forgot how much the little things meant to her girlfriend. Delia’s brother shot a sharp look back and forth between the girls that Patsy pretended not to notice. The girl went back to playing with Delia and Patsy turned to face Peter once more “I'm a midwife”. She didn’t realise how much her accent stood out but then again she was used to being in London where everyone spoke slightly differently. She reckoned that she was currently the only person in this village that didn’t speak Welsh or have a welsh accent.  
“Amelia! There you are” A women Patsy recognised from the church ran through the pub, making quite an unnecessary scene Patsy thought to herself. Peter couldn’t help but room his eyes at the side of the women Patsy only could assume his wife hit his eardrums.  
“Peter!” She sounded almost surprised to see him here “You know how I feel about the children in this bloody pub” The women still sounded welsh, but her accent differed from the others Patsy had heard and wasn’t as harsh as Mr Busby’s. Not that it made it any clearer to Patsy where the lady was from in Wales.  
“Sorry bets,” Peter said.  
“Look Ma. I found Aunty Dee and that’s Pat-see” She said saying Patsy name slowly making sure her accent didn’t cover the name. She pointed across the table to where Patsy sat; Patsy gave a subtle smile trying to come off nice – she was never one for first impressions. The girl reminded Patsy of Delia in every way, from her laugh to the way she said Patsy's name.  
“I turned away for two moments and the bloody child went walkabouts,”, Bets said facing Peter, there wasn’t a harshness in her voice which made what she said almost light-hearted.  
“Nice to see you dear”, The women said, speaking directly to Delia. She talked to Delia in the loving motherly way Sister Julienne spoke to Patsy.  
“And you Betty,” Delia said  
“You ladies should come over for Lunch Tomorrow” She paused for a moment “Wouldn’t that be lovely Peter, Oh our James and Arthur haven't seen Delia in so long” Patsy could now see where little Amelia got her fast speaking from. Betty shot out words like they were going out of fashion and with her accent Patsy was ashamed to admit she found it all a little bit hard to understand  
“I'm sure they have better things to do sweet” Peter snapped. Betty looked almost taken back that Peter wasn’t as excited as she was. Delia couldn’t think of a reason to say no before …  
“we would love to” Patsy burst out without thinking. She wanted to go and have lunch with them. The four days would most likely be the only time Patsy spend with Delia family, at least till another funeral and if they were all as long as Eddies, she would most likely politely decline. She wanted to make the most of the time she had with them. She didn’t have a big family not like Delia did, and she loved Delia; Patsy at least wanted Delia’s family to have a vague idea of who she was, rather than just being a random name that Mrs Busby avoided mentioning when she told stories of her daughter's life in London. Better looked pleased and slightly excited, she looked like the sort that would get excited by the smallest thing while Peter and Delia just looked annoyed that they would have to spend more time together then either one of them thought. The last 20 minutes was long enough to last Delia until next Christmas and it had tested her mental strength never mind a whole lunch.  
“See you at 1… I suppose” Peter said before taking Amelia off Delia’s lap and following Better out the pub. Amelia waved at the girls as her family walked out the pub. 


	3. A drink down the Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation at the pub gets awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading please let me know what you think

Delia glared at Patsy in both discussed and horror. Delia didn’t know why Patsy had agreed and why Patsy agreed with so much excitement and without trying to think of an excuse first. Delia thought that the behaviour by her mother would have or should have put Patsy off Delia’s close family.   
“More drink?” Delia said before walking to the bar. She didn’t wait for a reply. If Patsy didn’t want her drink, Delia would drink it – anything to prepare her for lunch tomorrow.   
Patsy lit up a cigarette and stared into the crowd that filled the pub; most people came from the funeral, but Patsy guessed that most the village was up in that church. The pub was more civilised than the one in Poplar. No one even looked twice at her and Delia sat in the corner.  
Patsy's trance was broken “I never thought Delia would end up with a smoker,” A soft voice said as a women sat opposite Patsy. It was the widow. Patsy couldn’t help but cough out of shock and surprise at what the women had just said, she didn’t know what to reply.  
“You must be Patsy Mount” The women spoke again. She had a sense of sadness that one would expect in her voice. Patsy smiled, she knew that it must have looked like she was smiling at the women's grief but she wasn’t. She was smiling because someone knew who she was.  
“Sorry for your loss,” Patsy said, she wasn’t sure what she was meant to say, or what else to say. She didn’t want to focus on what the women was said. Patsy just had to convince herself that she was reading too much into it. The welsh do have an odd sense of humour she thought to herself. Delia had kept reminding her that on the way down.

  
“I'm glad Delia came down- My Ed would have been mad if she had missed it.”  
“She wouldn’t have missed if for the world.”  
“Jennie!” Delia said, saving Patsy from the uncomfortable conversation she was having. Patsy quickly put the cigarette out, hoping Delia hadn’t seen it- she wasn’t sure she could face a lecture tonight.  
“I trust you are doing okay Jennie,” Delia said. Delia sat next to Patsy as Jennie was perched in her seat. She placed the glasses on the table. Delia couldn't help but catch the smoke still coming from the ashtray. She glared at Patsy, who tried her best to avoid eye contact.   
“ I was just telling Patsy here, how glad I am you managed to come down”. Delia smiled, she knew that there was no way she would miss Eddie's funeral. She would have walked if that was the only way to attend Ed's final farewell. Everyone knew that.   
“He was trying to get time off to come up to London before he went into hospital” She smiled a sad, lost smile as she spoke.   
“He said he wanted to see you happy” She paused for a moment.  
“And he gave up the cigarettes after your last letter, said it was enough to put him off for life” Delia smiled back at her, Delia had almost entirely forgotten about writing Ed that letter. She often forgot her life back in Wales in her hustle and bustle of London. She couldn’t help but love hearing about Eddie, even though she could see how broken it was making the widow.

“He was always glued to the cigarettes. I never thought he would put them down.” Delia said trying to remember the first time he had tried cigarettes. They couldn’t have been any older than 15 sat on the large oak tree in the far corner of her garden. The pair had stolen a packet from Delia’s brother in their act of rebellion over their summer break. Eddie coughed his guts out yet for some reason was still drawn to them in a way Delia still to this very day couldn’t understand. Delia didn’t even like the way the smell stained her every inch of someone that had a cigarette or the way it would linger on his breath when he would smoke on the way to school. Even when she kisses Patsy after she had just had a cigarette, she feels like she's kissing a block of coal.  
“Never thought you would end up with a smoker” The women repeated. This time, Patsy knew what she heard, and Delia heard it as well. Delia glared at Patsy out the corner of her eye. Delia couldn’t imagine that Patsy would have said anything, why would she?   
“Eddie told me, just before he passed” She paused. The girls could see tears welling up in the poor widows eyes, but she continued “Make sure My Delia stays with her happiness” Jennie paused again. As if she was giving the stunned girls time to catch up “He just kept repeating it; telling me I needed to understand true love, and then I would understand.” She chuckled to herself “At first I thought he was telling me he didn’t love me” she was now crying very clearly. Patsy couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable “It took me a long time to understand what my Ed meant. But, when your mum said you brought a friend down with you from London by the name of Patsy Mount. I don’t know why but it all just became clear” Delia put her hand on the widows, Delia was glad that someone knew, she hated keeping the secret.   
“I miss him too” That was all Delia needed to say because the point of the widow’s conversation wasn’t too out Patsy and Delia but to share how much of a nice man her husband was. Jennie nodded as tears continued to run down her face, they were now matched by Delia's tears, at that moment, Delia actually understood what the loss of Edward truly meant.

Patsy drank her drink in silence while she watched her welsh girlfriend and the widow laugh and cry then laugh a little more, even Patsy laughed at some of the adventures young Delia got up too, climbing trees and causing chaos. Patsy hadn’t seen Delia so broken before but she had seen the lost look in the widows eyes before – in her own eyes when Delia had her accident but for Patsy while it felt like a lifetime it was only temporary, but the poor Widow would be faced with that pain every day, forever. She will never forget the man that is her child's father, and she will never forget his face or his laugh even it was just memories to her now. Not that she would ever tell Delia, but she was rather glad that Jennie had come over to join them – it meant that she didn’t have to go back to the Busby household quite so soon. Don’t get Patsy wrong she was very grateful that Mr and Mrs Busby was letting them stay but the small cottage was filled with unspoken conversations and unanswerable questions. Delia felt it too, not that she would ever mention it. She’d never been able to confront her mother even after all this time her mums disapproving stare still broke the 24-year-olds heart.She hated lying to her mum but she couldn’t tell her the truth that would break her, it would break her more than when she moved back to London after her accident, and she was going to live with a bunch of nuns. Telling her parents the truth would break their heart more than this poorly put together lie, but the lie was good enough to convince Delia welsh family, her whole town, no one thinks twice. Why would they? Why would they think twice, She and Patsy lived in a convent after all. One of the holiest places they could lay their heads yet the welsh girl quite often spent her evenings in the convent locking lips with the redheaded nurse or sleeping against each other's bare skin. Delia doubted this town had ever had one report innocent of ‘Homosexual behaviour’ or whatever the police were calling it now. If there were any recently, she was certain her mother would have mentioned it in outrage, for at least a year after it had happened.

When the pub started emptying out, they both knew they had to head home; they couldn’t spend the night out. The walk back was long and done with a slightly tipsy sway in each one of the girls steps. Patsy avoided lighting a cigarette even though she thought it would make a nice end to a long day. She avoided it to avoid a heated debate with a drunk Delia. She knew she wouldn’t be able to win and she didn’t have the energy to bother trying. Jennie walked back with them to pick up her baby from the Busbies. With a long deep sigh, Patsy braced herself for small talk with the closest thing to in-laws she was ever going to get. A smiling Mr.Busby greeted the girls as the 3 of them stumbled in through the kitchen. Patsy had learnt that in the Busby household washing up was a man's job. Mrs Busby viewpoint was that if she ‘slaved’ over cooking every day she wasn’t going to do the washing up. According to Delia Mr Busby accepted these terms very quickly so now spend every evening watch the sunset and washing up the plates from the day. Delia said she would often hear him humming hymns to himself while doing it as if he was making up his entertainment to see him though.  
“Your mothers in the living room,” He said avoiding eye contact with redhead but he did give a smiling nod to the widow as a sign of respect.

The 3 of them walked through the short empty hallway to the living room. It was a soft yellow colour which made the room itself look a lot larger than it was. There was a radio pierced in one corner but according to Delia the signal was terrible and it was more just there for dramatic effect and to make it look like her parents look the smallest bit modern.  
“There's my little hero,” Jennie said her voice perked up a little there was still a very definite sadness in her voice, that no one needed to question. The sadness was unmistakable but she was trying her best to seem okay. She scooped up the young toddler out of Mrs.Busbys arms and held the baby deep in her own warmth.  
“He looks so much like Eddie,” Delia said, she couldn’t help but see Eddie smiling loveable face in his child. The baby could barely open his eyes when Delia last saw the child. It was two weeks old when she had had her accident and it didn’t look like much more than a potato with arms and legs in her professional opinion.  
Patsy saw in Mrs Busby's eyes how much she loved holding that poor baby, again it made Patsy's heartbreak and just reminded her off all the things she could never give the one person she loved.


	4. Small talk and children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch with Delia's brother

The girls spent the evening wrapped in each other, waking up seemed almost a shame. They knew they couldn’t lie there forever. They knew they needed to get back to reality; they knew that they couldn’t lie there forever. They knew they would have to go downstairs sooner or later and sit round the table, listen to Mr Busby's early morning jokes.   
“5 more minutes Cariad” Delia groaned as Patsy slipped out of the warmth of the bed, getting up slowly preparing herself for reality. She looked over at the black dress hung over the dresser and it reminded her of the reason they had come to Wales in the first place. In the midst of all the stories about Delia she was hearing and all the new people, she was meeting she almost forget the pain her lover was feeling. Standing up slowly Patsy knew she needed to slip back into reality however much she hated it. She had to leave the bedroom as if they were ‘just friends’.

The girls did make it down for breakfast in the end. Delia hadn’t told her mother where the girls were going to spend the afternoon. She didn’t want to cause more questions or accidently invite her mum along, which she was prone to doing. The breakfast around the table slowly turned into brunch with Mr Busby asking questions about the girls pending trip to Paris. The girls answered the questions quickly enough. Patsy tried to answer them in the way she would if one of the Nuns had asked, just sharing the minimum and keeping it basic but wording it in a way which makes them think you are telling all. Trixie had taught it to her. It was the way she spoke to nurse Crain when she asked for the gossip. The topic off Paris made Mrs Busby uncomfortable you could see it in her eye. She said very little and just nodded while Delia shared the plans, she didn’t try to hide her excitement.

Patsy looked up at the clock hung on the kitchen wall. 12 Oclock .   
“We better make a more Deels” Placing her hand on Delia's leg to get her attention. She did it without thinking but regretted it instantly.  
“Where are you going?” Mrs Busby snapped.   
“Oh” Delia froze, she hated being confronted by her mother even over the smallest thing. Why does it matter that she's going to her brothers? Why does she feel so guilty about it?  
“Peter has invited us over for lunch” Patsy snapped back. She heard the bluntness in her words as soon as she said them but she wasn’t going to do anything about it. Mrs Busby couldn’t help but look taken back by not only where they were going but also that she was only just being informed.  
“Oh that will be fun Cariad” She murmured, not even looking at Patsy just staring at Delia. Delia knew when her mum wasn't very convinced and this was one of those moments, she couldn’t blame her mum for being taking back the whole of the village knew that Peter and Delia had a rough sibling relationship.  
“It was Betty's idea- you know how she loves to cook Ma” Delia replied, it sounded like she was trying to justify her trip to her brothers.

Nothing more was said, the girls helped clear up breakfast. The kitchen was filled with a horrible silence. Everyone wanted to say something, but no one wanted to say anything at all. The silence said more than words ever could.

The door to the small house was a patchy pale blue where the paint had been chipped off over time and fallen off in the rain. Delia took a long deep breath as she went to knock on the door, they were on time, in fact according to her watch they were 10 minutes early.   
Betty's bright smiley face came to the door "I’m so glad you came m’dear.".   
Her voice was soft to the pairs nervous ears and put Delia slightly at ease; they weren't there to be interrogated but just to have a nice lunch with a brother she hadn't properly spoken too since she loved up to London - the first time. Peter had barely seen his little sister when she was home after her accident, no one knew why, but then again no one really asked.

Patsy soon learnt that asking any of Peters children to sit still was like asking a fire not to burn. Amelia’s eyes were alight, her every muscle was always moving, always needed to move, to dance, to jump. James, on the other hand, was slightly older and chattered and observed, giggled and joked. Everything tickled his sense of humour, every idea that left his mouth meant that there was at least seven more already queued up in his mind. He reminded Patsy of some of the cubs she looked after, that was the closest thing to parent she was ever going to be and she did care for them; they both did.   
Making small talk was harder than Delia ever imagined, she forgot how boring life was in this little town.   
“When Ma told me you were bringing a friend from London, I had to admit I thought it was going to be a fella,” Peter remarked. Delia wasn’t sure what he was getting at but couldn’t word a reply – not that she had time.  
“No, unfortunately not, your stuck with me,” Patsy said smiling, she left the conversation as complicated as it started. Not making the answer to his a simple answer, Patsy ended up starting a lengthy discussion between work and getting married and having a family, while the conversation started serious Patsy had accidently broken the ice that lay between the two couples. Delia knew that she would get married and have a family in a heartbeat but she couldn’t. She couldn’t have all that with the person she loved. So she wasn’t going to have it at all. Nothing more was said about why Delia had brought Patsy along; Peter didn't care enough and Mrs Busby told everyone it was because Delia still gets tired and she didn't want to miss her stop. The lie wasn't a hard one for Delia's mother to say and it was easier than telling the truth. Not that she knew what the truth was.

The conversation was broken up by the children coming into the kitchen every few minutes to share a new story, toy or adventure with Delia. They had missed not having her around and Delia had missed not seeing them all the time. Delia had missed out on all the thing she wanted to see them do and she knew that she was going to miss out on some much more but she couldn't have her London life down in this small town. Delia knew she couldn't be with the person she loved and get to see her niece and nephews grow up. One day when they were old enough she would tell them the truth, she would say why she missed so much of their lives because one day the world wouldn't care and her and Patsy. But, right now they cared very much.

By the end of lunch, the kitchen was no longer awkward and the conversation was no longer forced, Patsy was sharing stories of Delia's training days and Betty was sharing untold stories of Peter. Both the Busby's were going redder by the second as their partner's stories echoed around the kitchen. At that moment Patsy saw it, she saw the untold love that Delia and her brother shared. The way they laughed in union and the way their eyes were the same shiny colour, she could just tell. The laughter also meant a lot to Delia, not that she would ever admit it. That lunch was the closest thing Delia was ever going to get to openly bringing a partner home. That moment was how it was meant to be. While Delia doubted her brother would even remember this lunch in a few weeks time, she knew she would because the way Peter spoke to Patsy, the beautiful way her brother and the red headed nurse laughed so freely at Delia's misfortunes- that was what family was meant to be about. She really appreciated her brother right then; the moment would be engraved in her mind forever. Delia doubted that she would ever be able to tell her brother the truth not like she wanted too.She wished she could. Delia hoped right at that moment around the table she was able to place her arm on Patsy's thigh without thinking, that no one would think anyone of it if they kissed when Patsy arrived back from putting her plate in the sink. But she didn't want to ruin the great afternoon she had had with her brother. She couldn't remember the last time she had spent with her brother.

"Bye D," Peter said scooping his little sister up using the force of one of his arms and holding Delia awkwardly with one arm, the hug wasn't a fun experience for either of them but it was the marking of a new start. And for that Delia would do 100 of those hugs.   
"Night to meet you, Patsy," Peter said, the tone of his voice reminded Patsy of Delia's father.   
"Bye Aunty D" The children shouted from different points up the stairs.   
"You guys behave" she ordered the children while smiling.   
Before Patsy had time to process what had gone on Amelia was attached to her legs.  
"Bye Pat-see," She said, the exchange terrified Patsy and filled her with warmth all at once, she wasn't sure how to react but she didn't need to be able to, for the 1st time in a long time she let her instincts kick in. She hooked Amelia up and held her, wrapping her girl's legs around her waist.   
"Bye Amelia, you be good or you will have Aunty Delia and me on you" Patsy smiled as she spoke.  
"And that would not be good," Betty said, as Patsy handed Amelia to her. Patsy felt a strange feeling of acceptance as she let the child go back to her mother, no one had said anything about why Patsy and Delia would be after the girl; no facial expressions were made. No one even flinched.   
"I will behave I promise," The girl said. With that the girls left the small house smiles wiped across both their faces, the pair linked arms as they headed back home, laughing and talking like they had been doing for the previous 4 hours. Delia had never been so grateful for Patsy's lack of thinking in her life. Not that she would ever tell her girlfriend she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you think its worth carrying it on. I really enjoy writing it but that doesn't mean its any good !


	5. A Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter from Eddie reveals more than words ever could. Just a short chapter please enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I think I have only got a couple more chapters left if people are still interested in reading it so let me know :)

"Good time Cariad?" Mrs Busby asked as they prepared to sit down for the evening meal, the girls had barely been back an hour but they weren't going to say anything. Patsy always felt like Mrs Busby was trying to catch the girls out, and wanted to catch them doing something they shouldn’t. To catch them in a lie which they hadn’t even told. Patsy couldn’t work out if Delia's Mam didn’t like her because she suspected or if it was because she was one of the reasons that her precious daughter went back to London.

"It was great to see the children again Mam; they have grown so much. I can't believe that Amelia is starting school" Delia tried to hide her excitement of the progress her and her brother had made, she didn't want to dig herself a hole she couldn't get out of as she was prone to do. She also didn’t want to come off that she really wanted children. She didn’t want to give her Mam false hope. Jennie was eating with them so Patsy hoped that would break the tension that had never left meal times since the girls had arrived, Patsy hoped it would stop the parents asking questions to try and catch Delia out.

"James will be a teenager before we know it," Mr Busby said, Patsy felt that he could sense the tension like she could. It didn't take long before the conversation about the brother fizzled out, and the room was left in silence. A heavy silence settled over them, thicker than the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around and tried to avoid catching other glances that passed by. Delia avoided looking at her Mam altogether; she didn’t want to imply that she wanted a conversation.   
The silence was broken by: “I completely forget about it yesterday with everything going on but Eddie wrote this for you Delia,” Jennie said handing Delia a brown envelope. Delia wanted to rip the envelope off as soon as she saw it but she didn’t know what would be inside and knew her mother would want to read it if she opened it now.   
“Thanks, Jennie – I will open it later” Delia smiled, but every movement in her body told Patsy otherwise. Neither Patsy or Delia were overly hungry but weren't going to say anything, they just ate in silence and only spoke when someone asked them a question. Which was never during this meal.  
The meal continued to drag on slowly. Patsy couldn't help but count down the time until the pair would be back in London again. Back at home. Where they belonged. Over the days Patsy had started to get used to Wales and the small town in Pembrokeshire, she had begun to like the towns qwerks but that didn't mean she wanted to stay any longer then she had too.   
Over the days she and Mr Busby had found a strange bond, laughing at jokes that other people wouldn't understand, and making sarcastic comment that made both Delia and her mother roll their eyes in laughter and horror. Never in a million years did Patsy think she would have anything in common with Mr Busby, she assumed that Mr Busby would be as cold and unloving as Mrs Busby. Patsy had no plans to keep in contact with anyone she had met during this funeral trip but it was a slightly sweet feeling to know she wasn't as hated as she first assumed.

* * *

 

_Delia,_   
_I know how much you dispute goodbyes, so I am glad your not with me in the hospital because this is my goodbye letter, I never thought I would be writing one. After you accident, I never thought either one of us would end up back in the hospital. Jennie wanted to phone you – to tell you what was going on but I didn’t want her too. I don’t want you to see me like this because this isn’t the man I am. Don’t be mad, and I am sorry I never told you but you were just finding your happiness again. I didn’t want to force you back home again, if I forced you back to Wales I didn’t think your Mam would ever let you go again._

_Hope you're doing okay? If you ever get this then I guess I'm not doing very well. Please be kind to your parents when you come down, they were just visiting me in the hospital today – Your Dad spoke about all the many lives you have saved. I want to be able to write this telling you that until I passed, I wasn’t in pain, but I was Nurse. I hurt, my brain is slowly not working like I want it too; they say there’s hope but I know when a nurse is lying – I have seen you often enough._   
_Now I'm gone, take a deep breath and start a new day smiling knowing that I will always be in your thoughts and your stories. I know thing won't be easy but promise me one thing? Never change Miss Busby, you are simply the most remarkable person I know. Thank you for making my teenage years fantastic, thank you for introducing me to Jennie and changing my life._

_I still remember the 2nd of October when you had one of your ‘spells’. Your mum dragged you to the hospital, but we escaped through the window and out of a tree, we sat in the coffee shop all afternoon because you refused to eat hospital food! We spoke for hours. Just talking about your life, I showed you old letters you send me and slowly we put all the pieces together and you remembered her again. That smile on your face still sticks in my mind._

_I’ve had an incredible 24 years, and that’s what's important. I can honestly say I have no regrets – Apparently that’s important. I've come to the terms with the fact that I will never see you again, that I will never get to see you in London. I have a beautiful little son. One day his Aunty Delia will get to show him the amazing city of London. Please do that for me D. Please show him that there is so much more to life than this little village in Pembrokeshire. Show him all the place you would have taken me. Tell him all the stories of my life that Jennie wouldn’t want him to know and say about your happiness D, tell him about the women that fill your letters. Give him hope for the future._

_Lastly, D I just want you to know that even now, I haven’t given up in life, I do passionately want to survive, to see you again, to see your Happiness. The doctors told me I have a less than 10% chance of making it through the night._

_You know I love you so much as a best friend and the sister I never had, go and enjoy your life, Delia Busby, fall in love, have a family and enjoy life, please. I am so proud of you for everything you have achieved._

_I guess its time to say goodbye. I love you, and you were always in my thoughts. Go and live your life Nurse Delia Busby._   
_Goodbye_   
_Eddie_


	6. A Welsh Quote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delia finally talks to her Mam about plans when she gets back to London and ends worse than she could ever comprehend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think there is only one more chapter after this, I'm glad you are enjoying the read :)

Delia and her mother returned to the lounge while Patsy insisted on helping Mr.Busby with the washing up. No one questioned Patsy and Mr Busby really did appreciate the help.  
“Me and Pats are going to look to get our own place again soon” The words sounded so innocent, but the effects would be catastrophic.  
“Is that such a good idea Cariad.” While her mother spoke it like a question, Delia knew it wasn’t.  
“Mam…”  
“Don’t you Mam me. What is it with you and this Nurse? Why can't you just settle down and find a nice fella.”  
“I'm happy Mam” Her voice tailed off out of a shame she hadn’t felt before.  
“I don’t understand this Cariad” Her mother began to talk again but there was a loss in her voice. “ When are you just going to start living a normal life?”  
“Mam” Delia whispered, tears had built up in her eyes, it had been a long couple of days and she really didn’t want to fight with her mum the night before a long journey home. “Let me be happy please Ma…”  
“Your father and I aren't getting any young and he wants grandchild” She responded sharply.  
“He has grandchildren. I don’t want to hurt you or Dad but I don’t want to live my life in sadness so you can Dad can have grandchildren.” Her voice was shaking but for the first time in a debate with her mother she felt like she stood her ground. “I'm happy Mam.”  
“I'm not Cariad.” Mrs Busby’s words hit Delia like a sharp punch to the stomach but that only gave the welsh nurse more confidence than she ever thought she would find.

  
“I love her Ma- I don’t know what I would do without her” Delia didn’t want to talk yet her lips kept moving “You don’t have to understand Ma, but I am happy.”  
“Cariad…” Her mother's words trailed much like Delias. For a second Delia though her Mam was really thinking about her words but in the end all her Mam could say was “Don’t you Mam me.”  
“Ma, if losing you is the price I must pay for being truly happy and finding myself then it’s a price I pay without betraying one's conscience” the words flowed from her mouth as tears did from her eyes.  
The conversation ended as quickly as it started, nothing more was said. Tears streamed down both their faces as Delia left the room to go and find her redhead in the kitchen helping her Dad with the washing up.

  
Delia stood at the entrance to the kitchen watching Patsy and her Dad doing the dishes, Patsy stood next to Delia father drying the dishes as he washed up the plates from tea.  
“Dad, You know I'm happy right,” Delia questioned, there was a fear in her voice that Patsy recognised, she hadn’t yet turned around but she knew Delia had been crying.  
“Po callaf y dyn, anamlaf ei eiriau.” Mr Busby said; turning and looking from his daughter to the red head and back again. Delia knew the meaning but Patsy had no idea. It wasn’t an answer but it was all Delia needed, she knew what her Dad meant and Mr Busby knew what he was implying as well. The only person still in the dark was Patsy but noticing that Mr Busby and Delia were having a moment she refrained from saying anything. Birds of the same colour fly to the same place.  
“Diolch” Delia responded. She knew what her father meant even if he didn’t quite know what to say. The quote said more than the words he wanted ever could.  
“Eich fy merch fach a fi cariad i chi” He replied, he was looking at his daughter square in the face now, and for the first time in a long time she looked into her eyes and really looked rather than just seeing what he wanted to see. He thought it would break him but it didn’t, the thought of what he suspected couldn’t help but make up uncomfortable, and slightly on edge but he had washing up to do. He knew his daughter; he was aware that she was determined and persistent. He was mindful of the fact that no matter what he said Delia would live her life how she wanted too. Their response just altered how open she was about it. After all his family had been through the last few years, he didn’t want any more secrets. They had been through enough. Eddie would have wanted happiness to fall on the Busby household, he would have wanted the laughing that echoed the walls during hot welsh summers when he was a boy, Eddie wouldn’t have wanted unspoken conversations or lies. That wasn’t Eddie and Delia was only currently stood in the house walls because of Eddie.  
“Yr wyf yn Dad yn hapus,” Delia said hugging her Dad. While Patsy didn’t understand the importance of the little exchange Delia had just had with her father it had made Delias night slightly easier, she wasn’t sure what her mother was thinking but Delia certainly didn’t want to be on the other end of her rage- not tonight, not ever age. It took remembering Eddie and seeing how everyone that she grew up with had now got a family, and to keep in mind that she wasn’t a child anymore, she was 24 years old. She didn’t need her mother's permission to be happy and she most certainly didn’t need to feel sorry for not following her mother's exact wishes like a dog.  
“I so proud of you Delia. Nothing would change that” Her father finally said in English. Patsy still wasn’t sure of the exchange but she had a feeling what was said.

* * *

 

"Pats" Delia whispered, it was the early hours of the morning and while Patsy had dropped off as they got comfy Delia had been lying still all night when she felt Patsy moved she couldn't hold it in any longer.  
"mmmm" Was all the sound Patsy could muster up  
"Do you regret any of this?" Delia whispered back. Patsy sighed at her girlfriend's insecurities; Delia didn't want to talk about what had happened with her mum nor did she want to translate the welsh, Patsy hadn't pushed it but it meant Delia hadn't spoke to anyone about it. Patsy rolled around in the bed so she was facing her girlfriend who was sat up now.

  
"I have fleeting moment Deels, usually when I'm tired and broken down, where I wonder what my life would be like if our paths hadn’t crossed. I wonder what it would be like to not imagine where you are and who you’re with every hour of every day. I wonder what it would be like to not imagine sitting with you and laughing with you and holding you. I wonder what it would be like to not miss you so goddamn much all the time." While Patsy couldn't see Delias face very clearly she could feel the sudden change of mood, so she continued " Then Deels, I will think of something you have said - an off-hand comment about life or nursing - and it will make me smile to myself so vast that I cannot contain it. Then the moment passed because I am very glad Miss Delia Busby that we did cross paths, my brain can't even conjure my life without you. I wouldn't change my life for any happy family in any part of the world." Patsy said, she was surprised how deep her answer was considering her eyes were still closed and half her brain was still asleep.

"I love you Patsy mount" And with that Delia's mind switched off and she got a couple of hours sleep. Patsy didn't really question it and dropped back off son on after, looking back on the night she should have asked her girlfriend: she should have woken up more and actually listened to the meaning behind Delia words but it was the early hours of the morning and the ginger nurse didn't think twice. She didn't believe that it mattered. She was cuddled up next to the person she loved, and she could not see the problem.


	7. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter.

The sun rose early and so did the members of the Busby household. Delia's mum looked broken as she held her mug tightly and sat blankly at the table staring out the window into a sea of the countryside that went out further than the eye could see. Delia didn't want to face her. She knew what she had said would have hurt her mother and didn't want to have to face what she had done. She knew that saying anything was a bad idea. Delia knew that she should have just kept her mouth shut, it would have been easier. Living in silence would have been easier than having to explain it all.   
Patsy didn't understand what had gone on between her lover and Mrs Busby and with Delia not wanting to explain the ginger midwife knew it couldn't have been good. Patsy didn't like Delia's mum anyway never mind after Delia was nearly in tears because of something that had happened. Patsy knew that the argument was over her, no one needed to tell her. It always was. Delia and her mother used to be close, but they couldn't keep the same relationship when Delia had to hide a large part of her life, even growing up as soon as it started to click in her head she knew that her relationship with her mother would have to fade apart. It was for the best. That's what she believed anyway.

Patsy wasn't sure if what she had said to Delia last night had helped her girlfriend or just make it worse, but it was the early hours of the morning she didn't think about what she was saying. She knew she should have, but it was too late now. Patsy knew she was never going to have to understand what Delia was going through, and she was almost glad. She missed her mother every day, but she wasn't here to tell her what was a sin and what wasn't. Patsy was sure that if her mother were here, she wouldn't have minded if that was what made her daughter happy. Her mum was always like that.  
"Delia, we can't stay up here all day. We will miss our train" Patsy said, closing up the suitcase as Delia just sat aimlessly on the bed, they had heard the Busbys' go downstairs for breakfast almost 40 minutes ago but still neither of them had ventured out of the room.  
"What happens if she doesn't talk to me Pats?"   
"Deels, it is going to be okay. Your Dad loves you, and your mother cares about his opinion." Patsy said looking at her girlfriend dead in the eyes. Delia knew her girlfriend was right, yet she still didn't want to face the world that was outside her bedroom door.   
With a quick kiss, they opened the door and headed down the stairs for breakfast.

"Morning girls," Mr.Busby said cheerfully. Delia smiled but she felt like she was going to cry.  
"Good morning," Patsy said sitting down on the table and grabbing a piece of toast. She wasn’t going to miss, always having breakfast no matter what time they made it downstairs.  
No words left Mrs Busby's mouth, Patsy didn’t want to make a big deal but she didn’t want to leave Wales with Delia and her mother in an argument especially if it was over her, she didn’t want to be the cause of any more debates between her lover and Mrs Busby. For the first time Delia felt unwanted in her own home. She wasn’t sure she wanted to fit what had happened between her and her Mam, To be honest she wasn’t 100% sure what happened. She didn’t confirm anything but she knew what she had implied. She was proud of being in love with the Patsy. They weren't hurting anyone, and that’s what Delia could never understand about the way the world worked. What they were doing wasn’t hurting anyone yet every spoke of people like them like they were causing diseases and the cause of wars when the truth was Delia just wanted to hold hands with the person she loved or have a family meal and invite Patsy with no questions asked. She didn’t want Patsy to have to leave her room in the early hours so people didn’t ask questions because those questions would ruin their careers. Delia didn’t understand the world but at that moment but she didn’t care about the world, she just cared about her mother's acceptance and the fact she hadn’t got it broke her. Delia didn’t know why she hadn’t gotten it? Was it because her Mam just didn’t like Patsy? Or would the reaction have been the same if it was a local welsh girl?. The facts were she was never going to know, and she certainly didn’t have the guts to ask, she didn’t even have the guts to look her mother in the eyes.

If stares could kill Mrs Busby stare around the dining room table would have sent both the girls to an early death.   
“You excited to be heading back to the big city?” Mr Busby asked from the top of his newspaper. Much like Delia his wife hadn’t shared the details of the conversation that her and his daughter shared, so he was left to fill in the pieces. And the pieces he had weren’t good.   
“Yes, I never thought I would say it, but I miss the chaos that Poplar has,” Patsy said smiling politely trying to pretend the tension couldn’t have been cut with a knife.   
“I can imagine,” he said smiling back.   
“You should come up and visit us when we get our flat sorted,” Delia said, facing directly as her father. Mrs Busby shot up and glared at her daughter. She wanted to speak but didn’t know what to say. She was hoping that her husband would say something about how dangerous them getting a flat together was.  
“Can you imagine me trying to work the train, the furthest I have ever been is Cardiff, and even then I got lost. It was a sight” He said trying his best to ease the conversation. Mr Busby handled the situation they best he could. He was trying and his daughter didn’t fail to notice.

Small talk was harder than ever, and it didn’t take long before the table reverted to the comfort of silence, the subtle glares that Patsy shared with her girlfriend when Delias Mum turned her back. They didn't know what else to stay; Patsy couldn't make a comment about work with Delias Mother implying what a horrible profession it was and how she was hoping Delia wouldn't get a place on the course or that there were beautiful hospitals closer than London that her daughter could work at. Talking about getting a flat was never going to end well, and the pair had run out of subtle stories of Trixie and other friends from London. The silence was easier. The silence was safer. Right now Delia just wanted safe.

* * *

  
Getting on the train to go back to London was something Delia thought couldn’t happen soon enough. Delia lived in hope that no one died again anytime soon. She wasn’t sure she could put herself or Patsy through enough couple of days in Wales for at least another year.

“Deels, can I ask you something?” Patsy asked breaking the first comfortable silence the girls had been in for days.  
“Of course Pats,” Delia said, her head rested on her lover's shoulder while she stared blankly at the seat in front. Delia didn’t realise how draining a couple of days with her family could be.   
“Whats did you Father say to you in the kitchen?”   
Delia paused for a moment, smiling.   
“Po callaf y dyn, anamlaf ei eiriau” Delia said in her best welsh, letting her accent shine through her words as she tried to sound like her Dad.  
“What does that mean?” Patsy said smiling at her girlfriend's attempt to mock her father's accent.   
“The wiser the man, the fewer his words,” Delia said looking out the window as she spoke. With that, Patsy smiled, and the journey home continued in a happy, peaceful silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed this story :) Please let me know what you think

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


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